Thursday, August 30, 2012

"That African Lady"....REDUX

I feel sorry for her, in a way. You may think I am foolish. Essentially, I am a humanitarian.
Her much smaller unit was basically around the corner from mine. The metal walls of the units were shared and constructed pretty half-assed. She was storing THREE (3) ONE HUNDRED (100) POUND BAGS OF RICE. 300 POUNDS TOTAL. In original, giant, burlap, imported rice bags.

This is like Easter Brunch at the Ritz-Carleton for rodents. All you can eat and steal.    

So, it was BYO from her place, party at mine. I had the sofa, mattresses, down pillows and comforters (sob!), the Ritz-Carleton Presidential Suite for rodents. And, based on the fact that a live litter was found in my box of CHRISTMAS CHINA (which I was too sick about to photograph), the Prentice Rodent-Womens Maternity Hospital.  Pretty swanky, rodent style, I guess.

Anyway, this woman, while certainly instrumental in Rodent-Palooza!, was clearly very new in the country. I could tell from her dress and language skills, the few times we spoke. Most likely from, as much of Africa unfortunately is, someplace that had famine and a monster dictator who doled out teaspoons of gruel to toddlers with bloated stomachs, and pocketed the money raised by Bono. Watch yourself some BBC and C-SPAN if you doubt these places exist. She was a refugee, I think.  There are many in East Rogers Park.

She has small children.  And she, I highly suspect a famine victim refugee, managed to score 300 fucking pounds of what I also suspect is the staple of her diet. What would you do? Food for, oh a YEAR, maybe? And you don't give a shit if it is contaminated because you grew up with doled out teaspoons of gruel. Now, your own children don't have to.

It is clear in everybody's lease, every self-storage lease in fact, food storage is prohibited. Obviously, this situation illustrates the reasoning beautifully.  Let's remember, this woman's  English language skills were most likely challenged. Like when reading gobbledegook American leases. That were, if they were, probably explained to her by a gobbledegooking idiot in the front office. 

BUT--LIFE STORAGE KNEW ABOUT IT AND DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. Nope. Idiot Fred said, several times in several weeks he was going to TALK TO "That African Lady".  And never did. And who, but her, knows how long that shit was in there? How much damage was DONE TO MY SHIT IN THAT TIME?   His co-worker said she could smell it (along with PISS, thanks!) and was reporting it to Corporate!. Weeks later, Regional Manager Michelle Wight came in like a tank: She investigated! She concurred! And she ordered her evicted! 

Nobody did NOTHIN
' for weeks MORE. Then the woman was confronted and ordered to throw it out.  The amount of rice was astounding. Like what I think would be ordered for an army. And she stayed, which was okay. I think the loss of the rice made her cry.

Life Storage should have handled this in a timely manner and prevented it. Lazy, apathetic and incompetent, it did not. The rice didn't create the mice. It just enticed them over for dining and romance in, on, and around my European down comforter. They shouldn't have been there in the first place.

THEN, when I first attempted to discuss Life Storage reimbursing me for my losses with Michelle Wight, she informed me that it was not accepting responsibility. It wasn't their fault! They did all they could to help! (Help?) Because they're such nice guys!  

She then informed me I  "should go after That African Lady. It is her fault!".

What ?

I could not make this up. Can you even imagine thinking such a thing? First, what kind of asshole would do that? A refugee who has the mindset to horde rice, and has been through who knows what else. Secondly, from a "practical ", legal-ass, monetary aspect this woman wouldn't have a pot to piss in, unless she really is one of those African Princesses who sends out spam email and has a imprisoned husband with a huge foreign bank account for real--and we all know there are many lined up for a piece of that pie.

Sure! Instead of the two rich guys who OWN THE PLACE AND SHOULD HAVE HAD IT EXTERMINATED PROPERLY, have these 14 17 18 19 20! - locations, or something like that PLUS other  businesses,  big ass houses in wealthy suburbs (and possibly Canada), Mercedes (or Beemers or whatever) PORSCHES, and INSURANCE (I should hope).  Who hire morons to run this one and don't even have the balls or decency to admit fault.  CLEARLY, they're cheap.  Though I presume they understand English. Sure. I'll be doing that.

Once again, seriously lady, are you fucking kidding me? What kind of crazy-ass would even dream up such a thing? Life Storage, of course!

So, in  "That African Lady's " honor

Play it. It's for a good cause. And it's fun.






Its Official, We are at the End of Our Teenage Years with Our Newest Storage Facility!

LifeStorage South West Loop
LifeStorage recently purchased a storage facility from Metro Self Storage for what has become its 19th location.  Located in the South West Loop at 601 W. Harrison Street in Chicago, this property is the eighth facility in the Chicago city proper. The building stands on a 1.23-acre lot on the corner of Harrison Street and Jefferson Street, and was originally constructed in 1964 and converted for storage purposes in 2006.
LifeStorage South West Loop contains 1,021 storage units, features heating and air conditioning, heated drive-in loading bays, a three-story drive-thru, and is also replete with top-notch, 24/7 digital security, video monitoring, and digital keypad access. Unlike our last facility, LifeStorage-River North, this building already is finished to be a storage facility, so all we had to do is put our special LifeStorage touches on it, coffee bar and all, staff up, and we were ready to brand the building as a LifeStorage Monday, September 20th, at closing time.
The neighborhood is also home to McCormick Place, so we’re just a hop and a skip down Lake Shore Drive, then a slight jump, and you’ll arrive at our lovely new facility!
So, please put your hands together for what is our newest facility, LifeStorage-South West Loop, and shed a thoughtful tear as we prepare to enter our 20s. We’re sad to grow up, but happy to become older, wiser, and continue our quest at being the best self-storage company in Chicagoland!


Tuesday, August 21, 2012


[T]he owners of LifeStorage set out to improve the image of self storage when they founded the company in 2002. Jean Jodoin and Christopher Barry wanted to become leaders and innovators of affordable self storage options.

“We are bringing self-storage to a new level of excellence by providing indoor facilities that are cleaner, climate-controlled, and more secure," said Barry. "We insist on outstanding customer service and a corporate-wide dedication to being better than the competition. We choose our sites carefully, hire only customer-focused store managers, and create the ambience of our centers to reflect the LifeStorage brand."


Hey, I gots a troll!

Why, it's a dickless wonder!

Some clown SCUMBAG (heh. take THAT, shithead!) emailed me, via CL [and keeps emailing me]. But here's the deal, dumb ass:
  • Searched on your eddress, I know who you're connected to, thanks to FB. Evidently, there is some history of troll behaviour on CL as you have been flamed by other posters. Coincidence? I-I-I-I-I dunno....
  • You evidently are using your real, full name, connected with a business. Of course you could be both a puppet AND a troll, but either way, it still connects to the person above, who happens to be, or at least professes to be, a PRINCIPAL and/or some kinda executive/poobah of LIFE STORAGE (and I  DO know who everyone is). Additionally, I have a name, address and phone number. For both of you. Pretty stupid, no? WHO'S AN IDIOT?
  • I quoth said troll: "Thanks for the slander. See you soon". Is that A THREAT, BRUCE (MATT)?  Because if so, please read the above very carefully. Dumb. Ass.
  • Further, here is the definition of SLANDER:  slander n. oral defamation, in which someone tells one or more persons an untruth about another which untruth will harm the reputation of the person defamed. Slander is a civil wrong (tort) and can be the basis for a lawsuit. Damages (payoff for worth) for slander may be limited to actual (special) damages unless there is malicious intent, since such damages are usually difficult to specify and harder to prove. Some statements such as an untrue accusation of having committed a crime, having a loathsome disease, or being unable to perform one's occupation are treated as slander per se since the harm and malice are obvious, and therefore usually result in general and even punitive damage recovery by the person harmed. Words spoken over the air on television or radio are treated as libel (written defamation) and not slander on the theory that broadcasting reaches a large audience as much if not more than printed publications. (See: defamation, fair comment), (emphasis mine).                                                                                                                                           So, you see, flashwagon, the key is UNTRUTH. Everything contained in this blog is not only true,but documented, witnessed and photographed. So, before you spew legalities, know what the fuck they mean, okay?
  • And, speaking of legal shit, TORT law in Illinois, which would fall under the doctrine I am alleging, has a two year filing deadline. Which gives me, oh, about another year to inform and educate the public on this disgraceful company and its reprehensible business practices. AND sue. In that vein, threatening someone, either verbally or cyberly, or in print (like an email; see above) is a crime. So, let's keep that in mind, shall we, gentlemen?
NOW here's the irony in all of this: Life Storage could end this all TODAY if it wanted to. YEPPERS!  But is is seemingly too sleazy and arrogant to do so. Instead, it has people connected with it trolling CL and sending out (possibly threatening?) emails, under his own name and with easily obtained connections to it and/or one of its, perhaps self professed, PRINCIPALS or some kinda executive/poobah whatever.

Must be a bunch of REPUBLICANS or something. L.O.L.
And let's make one thing clear:  Trolls are cowards. And even more cowardly than bullies, which they also are because they don't even have the balls to try and harass/belittle/intimidate their victim face to face. What's worse? Getting some loser scrotum to do your dirty work for you.  Especially one who is stupid enough to use his own info, traceable to you. Incidentally, there are such things as apostrophes. It's YOU'RE, not YOUR.

Monday, August 20, 2012

Wasn't that silly? (or Why I stayed at that rat infested shit hole) REDUX

Perhaps some clarification is in order.
If anyone is actually viewing this, they may be seriously going, "WTF? Why the fuck did she stay in this literal shit hole? Why didn't she just move her stuff out?".



Wasn't that silly

I actually BELIEVED them when they told me they were putting forth maximum effort, blah blah blah, and that Jo (the "corporate" office lady ed: Jo Lemack), bellowing over the phone, in her slurred, drag queen voice, "WE ARE DOING ALL WE CAN !!!!!!! ", WAS ACTUALLY TELLING THE TRUTH!

ME: "But I think I am seeing more"...

  "WE ARE DOING ALL WE CAN !!!!!!! "

ME: "But my daughter saw TWO! It really upset her..."

 (AND, I SHIT YOU NOT,  "WELL, DON'T BRING HER THERE!". Seriously lady, are you fucking kidding me? Your mice ate MY KID'S UNDERWEAR. THIS IS NOT OKAY. THEY SHOULD NOT BE THERE.) 

ME: "But, I'm not really seeing traps or anything up by my unit..." 
(Upon which, some trap-feeder-contraption thing was moved from another place to right in front of it--not acquiring an additional one, in other words. Probably by that Idiot Fred, since it was done overnight. He denied this...)


Go. Fuck. Yourself. You lying bitch.  And drinking during the day is not a good practice.

SECONDLY:   Moving Is expensive. And a hassle. I was storing the stuff as I was downsized, subletting a studio,  from a 2 1/2 (no closet makes it a 1/2) bedroom apartment. I didn't need the stuff at the time, but I needed it ultimately. And, ya know, IT BELONGED TO ME. I wasn't sure of the time frame, and I didn't want to pay for movers twice. Like everyone else (except drug dealers, traders, and storage facility kings) I am affected by a crap economy. Under Life Storage's predecessor /successor SIMPLY STORAGE (see post below), I noticed not one single turd, nor zoo-like odor. In two years.

And again, I trusted a large operation to do the right thing, comply with the law (you are responsible for rodent control in your own property), or at least protect its own investment.  (Live. Learn. Lose. But that can go many ways)...

Wasn't that silly?

Pearl Jam- Rats. Bad-ass Vedder.

Rats (Lyrics)
Artist: Pearl Jam
Composer: Vedder/McCready/Gossard/Ament/Abbruzzese
They don't eat, don't sleep
They don't feed, they don't seethe
Bare their gums when they moan and squeak
Lick the dirt off a larger one's feet
They don't push, don't crowd
Congregate until they're much too loud
Fuck to procreate till they are dead
Drink the blood of their so called best friend

They don't scurry when something bigger comes their way
Don't pack themselves together and run as one
Don't shit where they're not supposed to
Don't take what's not theirs, they don't compare

They don't scam, don't fight
Don't oppress an equals given rights
Starve the poor so they can be well fed
Line their holes with the dead ones bread

They don't scurry when something bigger comes their way
Don't pack themselves together and run as one
Don't shit where they're not supposed to
Don't take what's not theirs, they don't compare...

They don't scurry when something bigger comes their way
Don't pack themselves together and run as one
Don't shit where they're not supposed to
Don't take what's not theirs... they don't compare...
Rats...they don't compare
Rats...they don't compare

Ben, the two of us need look no more
Ben, the two of us need look no more
Ben, the two of us need look no more
Ben, the two of us need look no more


Thanks, ya'll.

Thursday, August 2, 2012


This means, Messrs. Jodoin and BARRY, 2000 PLUS people know.