And just in case anybody has any kind of bad-ass notions...

What Are Defamation, Libel and Slander?

Generally speaking, defamation is the issuance of a false statement about another person, which causes that person to suffer harm. Slander involves the making of defamatory statements by a transitory (non-fixed) representation, usually an oral (spoken) representation. Libel involves the making of defamatory statements in a printed or fixed medium, such as a magazine or newspaper.

Typically, the elements of a cause of action for defamation include:

1. A false and defamatory statement concerning another;
2. The unprivileged publication of the statement to a third party (that is, somebody other than the person defamed by the statement);
3. If the defamatory matter is of public concern, fault amounting at least to negligence on the part of the publisher; and
4. Damage to the plaintiff.  

http://www.expertlaw.com/library/personal_injury/defamation.html

FALSE. GOT THAT? NOTHING HEREIN IS FALSE, AND IS IN FACT DOCUMENTED AND WELL WITNESSED. AS LONG AS IT IS TRUE, AND IT IS, I CAN KIND OF SAY WHAT I WANT.  

ALTHOUGH, I AM THINKING THAT DUMB ASS STATEMENT ABOUT THE FOOD OR BANANA OR WHATEVER IS A LITTLE SLANDEROUS. ESPECIALLY SINCE IDIOT FRED CUT MY LOCK OFF TWO WEEKS EARLIER AND STUCK IT IN THERE.

ANDREW FULLER kinda hinted along these lines once. So, I just want to make things clear.....